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If for instance, your younger work colleague goes through a breakup and then starts flirting with you and then propositions you for a casual relationship, you might feel flattered, especially if you’re not feeling that confident about your dating prospects.You might think and dive right in there for some fun and maybe it is fun for a while until you’re not able to keep your feelings in check.
They will not care about the impact on you because they will continue using until they’ve got what they want or you cut off their supply.It’s the exact same thing when you get these fly-by-night’s getting back in touch to take you on a trip down nostalgia lane, often approaching you on Facebook or with a text or joke email. They see their actions in a more benevolent light as if to say that they’re doing you some big flippin’ favour, giving you an ‘excursion’ away from your humdrum life or giving you a dose of their magical charm including Future Faking and Fast Forwarding that for some reason they think you should be thrilled to get.They rationalise that you’re getting something out of it, even if what it is, isn’t much, or not what you wanted, or isn’t on mutual terms and has been ‘given’ in a manner that allows them to ‘profit’ from you even though you’ll feel increasingly drained. It’s why you can feel so hurt after recognising that you’ve been used – you may have taken him/her at face value, trusted, given (even if it was a tad misguidedly especially if done in haste, on the internet or via an arrangement pitched as ‘fun’ that really wasn’t that fun), and they were just putting in hot air and as little as possible to get what wanted.One of the issues that many people struggle with is recognising when they’re being used, which is when a person avails themselves of something or someone as a means of accomplishing their chief aim.They exploit what they perceive as a vulnerability in order to gain an advantage.Once you suspect or know that you’re being taken for a ride, it’s stop, look, listen and step back and adjust your boundaries time. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
My girlfriend and I will be staying with friends in their tiny apartment this weekend. At the end of your stay, strip the bed and put all your sheets into one of the pillowcases (it creates a neat little bundle, which we learned from these guys). We took an informal poll around our shared workspace, and here’s the deal: Build Me Up Buttercup and Sweet Caroline are big crowd pleasers that don’t need a big vocal range. You could also go for a duet like I Got You Babe, if you want to share the spotlight. If you prefer thinner burgers, Shake Shack, The Corner Bistro and Burger Joint are all casual spots that serve burgers compact enough to eat with one hand. If in doubt, this three-part conversation never fails: 1.
Here’s the issue though: I’ve had quite a few people share alarmingly similar tales – just swap ‘too old’ for ‘too young’ or being work colleagues, or the ‘wrong’ colour, religion etc – and the truth is, they were Take the age gap example.
It’s a lot easier to avoid dealing with getting over a breakup by starting up something with someone else as a distraction and if you want to avoid putting yourself in the position of starting something with someone who might then think that it was going somewhere, you pitch it as a casual relationship, which in your mind, pitching it as such and dropping in information like just being out of a relationship will cover your backside.
Readers regularly share stories with me about people who came back into their lives after a long time (Returning Childhood ‘Sweetheart’ and boomeranging exes) as well as tales of casual relationships that started out oh-so-fun but resulted in plenty of pain.
It’s easy to get caught up in why they thought that an ex who did them over when they were sixteen was going to be their saviour thirty years later, or whether one can truly expect to get into a casual involvement and not get their fingers burnt when what they really want is to be loved inside a relationship, not dialed (or texted) as if ordering a sex pizza with a topping of ego stroking pepperoni, but there’s something very important being missed here: Of all the people in all the world, up for a casual arrangement?
If one person no longer wants casual though, it’s no longer casual which means naked time and ‘hanging out’ is over – it’s no longer a mutually fulfilling agreement and it’s very possible, it might never have been.