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In high school, this decision proved to be mostly moot. I tried not to follow up on them at first, but I was frustrated and lonely and had finite willpower.After one date, though, I would beat myself up mentally for breaking my rule, and I’d avoid making second dates.
“In some cases, a younger guy is developmentally in a different place,” says psychotherapist Robi Ludwig.I felt the pressure: The future of my people was at stake! The school was arty, musical, nerdy, and had a substantial Jewish population. Even though I no longer felt outside the norm, I still had trouble getting dates … Every Jewish woman I asked out on a date rejected me.I resolved that I would only go out with Jewish girls. I attributed this to the fact that I was kind of nerdy: My extra-curricular activities included musical theater, video games, and Dungeons & Dragons, not exactly the types of things that made a guy popular with the ladies. I had numerous opportunities, on the other hand, to date non-Jewish women.Women in their mid-20s to early 30s are prime for baby-making, but “younger men don’t have the ‘dad” gene in them until they get to be more established and mature,” says New York City-based matchmaker Janis Spindel.So if you want kids, it could be several years until your youthful partner is ready to face the reality of raising one.“This can de-masculinize a man and make him feel like he’s unable to provide for and protect you.”Even worse, women in this situation may end up being a sugar mamma rather than an equal partner.
“A man can sometimes make his girlfriend feel like more of a mommy-figure than a peer,” Ludwig says.
But even while my relationships with non-Jewish girls fizzled, I still didn’t have any other options.
Jewish girls often were interested in Jewish guys—many of these girls ended up dating and even marrying Jews; they just weren’t interested in dating high-pressure, community-survival minded, intense, and awkward me. While I was at school, I joined an online discussion forum where I began to chat with a non-Jewish girl named Alicia.
So don’t be surprised if he chooses hanging with his bros over coming over to your place more often than you’d hope he would.
“Many younger men are more connected with their peers than they are with the idea of being a couple,” explains Naples, FL-based author and relationship columnist April Masini.
If a lot of your guy’s friends are like him—young and single—going out to bars until 4 a.m.